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Posted: 20:30, 24/10/2002

CNNNN news headlines

Thursday, October 24, 2002

Wage outrage

Wage outrage Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
CANBERRA - The Australian government has called for tough new gaming laws. 

Crean: 'I've got what it takes'

Simon Crean Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
WOLLONGONG - Federal Opposition Leader Simon Crean has insisted he has got what it takes to lose the next federal election. 

Iraq 100% behind Saddam

Iraqi elections Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
BAGHDAD - Political advisors are confident that Saddam Hussein will be returned as President of Iraq after achieving a 100% result in the polls last week. 

CNNNN secures rights to US disasters

Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
NEW YORK - Chaser NoNstop News Network Chief Executive David Stewart has announced that the media giant has secured the rights to the forthcoming American hurricane season. 

Hat shy

Hat shy Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
LOS ANGELES - An American policeman has been disciplined after calling a hasty press conference to display his new hat, without even talking it out of its bag. 

Pope pops rosary

Pope pops rosary Posted: 20021024T203000+1000
THE VATICAN - For the first time in nine centuries, the Catholic Church has decided to change the rosary. 

Thursday, October 17, 2002

Down at heel

Posted: 20021017T203000+1000
SPORT - Australian cricket great Allan Border has fallen on hard times, no longer able to afford the airfare between Sydney and Brisbane. 

ChaserCorp CEO splits with wife

Posted: 20021017T203000+1000
HONG KONG - ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart has announced he will split with Di, his wife of 32 years. 

Thursday, October 10, 2002

Everybody loves Ruddock?

Everybody loves Ruddock? Posted: 20021010T203000+1000
HORNSBY - Immigration Minister Philip Ruddock has launched a new strategy to make himself more endearing to migrants. 

No more mullets

No more mullets Posted: 20021010T203000+1000
BRISBANE - The Queensland Law Reform Commission has recommended that mullet haircuts be made illegal. 

Fondue finale

Fondue finale Posted: 20021010T203000+1000
VENICE - An ocean liner company has agreed to abandon fondue nights on board its passenger cruise ships. 

Cop that!

Cop that! Posted: 20021010T203000+1000
ALICE SPRINGS - Residents in the Northern Territory are praising local police after their long-weekend crackdown on piss-weak street theatre. 

Unlucky streak continues

Unlucky streak continues Posted: 20021010T203000+1000
SILICONE VALLEY - Davie Stewart Jnr, the son of ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart, has failed in his attempt to revive the Commodore 64 computer. 

Thursday, October 3, 2002

Deep sea terrorists in hiding

Terror in the deep Posted: 20021003T203000+1000
RIYADH - US intelligence believes the Al-Qaeda terrorist network may be hiding itself underwater. 

Seaworld security scare

Magnets at Seaworld Posted: 20021003T203000+1000
SURFERS PARADISE - The operators of Seaworld on the Gold Coast have strongly condemned a visitor who brought a giant magnet into the theme park. 

Aussie swimming hero Thorpe snubbed

Posted: 20021003T203000+1000
BEIJING - Scientists have finally discovered a person who’s not impressed by Ian Thorpe. 

Caucasian gang leaders charged

Bondi Beach bash Posted: 20021003T203000+1000
BONDI BEACH - Ethnic violence is on the rise, with Caucasian gangs rioting again in the Sydney troublespot of Bondi. 

Thursday, September 26, 2002

Palestinians develop suicide buildings

Suicide buildings Posted: 20020926T203000+1000
TEL AVIV - In a CNNNN exclusive, it has been revealed that the Palestinian Authority has developed fatal new suicide buildings. 

Nicole-Smith upsizes

Holy ship! Posted: 20020926T203000+1000
HOLLYWOOD - TV celebrity Anna-Nicole Smith’s new breast implants have finally arrived. 

Pervert spikes own drink

Slow hand meets long arm Posted: 20020926T203000+1000
SYDNEY - A keen masturbator has spiked his own drink with Rohypnol. 

Aussie sailors prepare for desert warfare

Alice Springs boat races Posted: 20020926T203000+1000
ALICE SPRINGS - members of the Royal Australian Navy have started training for possible desert warfare. 

ChaserCorp CEO flying high

Kite Across the Ocean Posted: 20020926T203000+1000
TUVALU - ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart is literally flying high. 

Thursday, September 19, 2002

CNNNN chief's round-the-world flight fails

Posted: 20020919T203000+1000
SYDNEY - Chaser Corp CEO David Stewart has failed in his 29th attempt to fly around the world strapped to a kite. 

Iraq prepares own Archibalds

Bit of a brush up Posted: 20020919T125500+1000
BAGHDAD - Iraq is preparing for its own version of the Archibald Prize. 

Hamas leader denies role in ‘Lord of the Rings’

Hamas leader Posted: 20020919T125500+1000
PALESTINE - The leader of the Islamic resistance group, Hamas, has lashed out at the latest round of Israeli attacks. 

New proof of Iraqi stockpile

Laura Bush Posted: 20020919T125500+1000
WASHINGTON - US First Lady, Laura Bush, had a dream last night about Saddam building weapons of mass destruction. 

America on full alert

Posted: 20020919T125500+1000

WASHINGTON - US President Bush has upgraded the country’s terror warning from code orange to code purple. 

Bin Laden whereabouts known

Posted: 20020919T125500+1000

ATLANTA - The US military has pinpointed the whereabout of Osama bin Laden to one of just two specific locations: the Middle East or the Subcontinent. 

Tiger Woods Republicans' choice for President

Posted: 20020919T125500+1000
WASHINGTON - The US Republican Party has approached golf star Tiger Woods to be their candidate for the US Presidency in 2006. 


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