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Posted: 20:30, 24/10/2002
CNNNN news headlines
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Thursday, October 24, 2002
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CANBERRA - The Australian government has called for tough new gaming laws. full story»
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WOLLONGONG - Federal Opposition Leader Simon Crean has insisted he has got what it takes to lose the next federal election. full story»
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BAGHDAD - Political advisors are confident that Saddam Hussein will be returned as President of Iraq after achieving a 100% result in the polls last week. full story»
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NEW YORK - Chaser NoNstop News Network Chief Executive David Stewart has announced that the media giant has secured the rights to the forthcoming American hurricane season. full story»
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LOS ANGELES - An American policeman has been disciplined after calling a hasty press conference to display his new hat, without even talking it out of its bag. full story»
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THE VATICAN - For the first time in nine centuries, the Catholic Church has decided to change the rosary. full story»
Thursday, October 17, 2002
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SPORT - Australian cricket great Allan Border has fallen on hard times, no longer able to afford the airfare between Sydney and Brisbane. full story»
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HONG KONG - ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart has announced he will split with Di, his wife of 32 years. full story»
Thursday, October 10, 2002
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HORNSBY - Immigration Minister Philip Ruddock has launched a new strategy to make himself more endearing to migrants. full story»
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BRISBANE - The Queensland Law Reform Commission has recommended that mullet haircuts be made illegal. full story»
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VENICE - An ocean liner company has agreed to abandon fondue nights on board its passenger cruise ships. full story»
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ALICE SPRINGS - Residents in the Northern Territory are praising local police after their long-weekend crackdown on piss-weak street theatre. full story»
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SILICONE VALLEY - Davie Stewart Jnr, the son of ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart, has failed in his attempt to revive the Commodore 64 computer. full story»
Thursday, October 3, 2002
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RIYADH - US intelligence believes the Al-Qaeda terrorist network may be hiding itself underwater. full story»
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SURFERS PARADISE - The operators of Seaworld on the Gold Coast have strongly condemned a visitor who brought a giant magnet into the theme park. full story»
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BEIJING - Scientists have finally discovered a person who’s not impressed by Ian Thorpe. full story»
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BONDI BEACH - Ethnic violence is on the rise, with Caucasian gangs rioting again in the Sydney troublespot of Bondi. full story»
Thursday, September 26, 2002
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TEL AVIV - In a CNNNN exclusive, it has been revealed that the Palestinian Authority has developed fatal new suicide buildings. full story»
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HOLLYWOOD - TV celebrity Anna-Nicole Smith’s new breast implants have finally arrived. full story»
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SYDNEY - A keen masturbator has spiked his own drink with Rohypnol. full story»
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ALICE SPRINGS - members of the Royal Australian Navy have started training for possible desert warfare. full story»
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TUVALU - ChaserCorp CEO David Stewart is literally flying high. full story»
Thursday, September 19, 2002
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SYDNEY - Chaser Corp CEO David Stewart has failed in his 29th attempt to fly around the world strapped to a kite. full story»
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BAGHDAD - Iraq is preparing for its own version of the Archibald Prize. full story»
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PALESTINE - The leader of the Islamic resistance group, Hamas, has lashed out at the latest round of Israeli attacks. full story»
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WASHINGTON - US First Lady, Laura Bush, had a dream last night about Saddam building weapons of mass destruction. full story»
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By Anna Skellern, Chief Terror Correspondent
WASHINGTON - US President Bush has upgraded the country’s terror warning from code orange to code purple. full story»
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By Anna Skellern, Chief Terror Correspondent
ATLANTA - The US military has pinpointed the whereabout of Osama bin Laden to one of just two specific locations: the Middle East or the Subcontinent. full story»
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WASHINGTON - The US Republican Party has approached golf star Tiger Woods to be their candidate for the US Presidency in 2006. full story»
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