Retracted: 20:30, 24/10/2002

CNNNN secures rights to US disasters

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NEW YORK - Chaser NoNstop News Network Chief Executive David Stewart has announced that the media giant has secured the rights to the forthcoming American hurricane season.

Part of the deal includes the naming rights for every cyclone.

Stewart has promised the first hurricane of the season will be called Hurricane Dom, after CNNNN's Director of Weathertainment, Dominic Knight.

The filanthropist CEO added that he was proud to make CNNNN the home of natural disasters. "No network brings you more hardship and misery than CNNNN. Remember, your tragedy is our tragedy," he said.